Hi

5soslooks-soperfect:

- Coconut oil is great for boob sweat

- Essential oils/Deodorant for thigh chafing

- Crop tops? WEAR THAT

- Wanna ride his/her face? Do it. They’re grown. They will find a way to breathe.

- Afraid to have sex with the lights on? Girl, they knew what they signed up for, flaunt them stretch marks. Guarantee you that your confidence will turn them on even more

- Double chin troubles? Search for contouring videos on youtube

- Trouble with confidence? Walk with your shoulders back and your head high, I promise you it works

-Scared to eat in fear of judgment? Please eat, they’re probably not paying you any attention and if they are? Fuck em

- Worried about if you could get away with wearing that? Well I’m telling you that you CAN

And last but not least important, ALWAYS remember:

-YOU FUCKING PRETTY, BITCH

(via giggle)

today-ifuckedup:

I pulled next to the trash can at a gas station on my passenger side, grabbed the half full large of coke to make some room, and with all of my might launched it at the trash can.

My window was still up, full bukkake scale cokesplosion all over the window, door, and seat.

Check out more TIFUs: Internet`s best fuck ups are here.

(via today-ifuckedup)

today-ifuckedup:

Greatest/worst thing ever just happened to me, so buckle up folks..it’s story time:

Girl on a dating app tells me in the first few messages that I’m really cute (true) and interesting (also true) and asks me to meet her at 1140am for coffee at a random McDonald’s. When I ask if she’s a 45 year old man trying to harvest my organs, she proceeds to send me 15 pictures in a row that look like they’re straight from Facebook. Because that’s how you convince somebody you’re real (not true).

Now normally I don’t accept propositions like this because I’m thinking “what’s the catch?” Well, I decide to live a little on the YOLO side…and since it’s right next to a Subway Sandwich shop I think that the worst that could happen is it’s a 45 year old lonely man, I give him a big hug because I know the feeling as a 25 year old lonely man, get a tasty sandwich, then go home. Apparently that was NOT the worst thing that could happen.

I show up. She shows up. She’s real. I’m surprised. I buy her coffee because I subscribe to traditional gender roles unless requested otherwise. She uses her McCafe frequent buyers card so she gets stamps. Its cute. While the guy is making her drink, she tells me to go find a table outside in the sun. I go outside and find the perfect goddamn table because I’m a romantic at heart. 5 minutes later. 10 minutes later. 15 minutes later. No girl. I text her the typical guy message “lol u get lost???”. No response. Turns out she took the coffee and left.

So I’m not saying it’s bad to leave a date if you feel uncomfortable or aren’t attracted to them. It’s totally your decision. But I don’t think that’s the case…I think this girl is a serial McCafe dater. And I don’t think this was her first time. It was too professional. Too clean. It was the perfect McHeist. And I’m starting to think I’m not even mad…she didn’t steal my credit card, or my organs. Just a few euros.

And my heart.

Check out more TIFUs: Internet`s best fuck ups are here.

(via today-ifuckedup)